Tantrums are angry outbursts of child. It is common in children between 18 months to 3 years of age.

These tantrums are caused due to the following reasons -

• When the child is denied what he wants
• Forced to do something
• Stopped from doing an activity that he is interested in
• If something is taken away
• Attention seeker
• To satisfy his demands
• Inconsistency in parent’s behavior
• Poor role models
• Fatigue, hunger, loss of sleep

Avoid situations that give rise to tantrums.

How do the children respond ?

• Do not say “No” to the child unless absolutely necessary. Instead, give him suitable choice. For example, when the child insists on buying a new toy, ask him whether he would like to go the playgroup or watch cartoon on TV.
• Distract attention to an interesting object.
• Keep calm and appear composed even if very upset.
• Show lack of interest to his outburst. Ignore the child and continue your work.
• Do not give in. “Be Firm” on your decisions. The child should know that you mean what you say and say what you mean.
• Do not sooth, argue, shout, hit or reason with the child. While he is angry he will not listen.
• If the child becomes destructive, hold him firmly till he becomes calm.

When the tantrum stops, welcome the child with open arms.

2) Many children feel anxious on their own. All the time, they need the physical and emotional support and closeness of a comforting adult. Some common traits exhibited are holding on to mother/teacher’s clothing, thumb sucking or nail-biting, demanding approval for every action. Such children are not comfortable in the company of others.

The root causes for shyness can be :

• Insecurity or the lack of confidence
• Over protection from a caregiver
• Criticizing the child in front of others

Shyness in children can be managed well by keeping the following in mind :

• Accept the child as he/she is. Do not make him/her feel guilt.
• Give the child affection and attention and make him feel secure.
• Give responsibility to your child by asking him to clean the table, or put away his toys.
• Provide for successful and satisfying activities.
• Listen to your child carefully without being busy in another activity and make positive comments.
• Give the child freedom to explore, experiment and create.
• Do not over protect the child.
• Avoid calling the child ‘shy’.
• Do not tease or mimic your child

3) Children respond rudely when parents ask them to do something. They continuously challenge parental authority. They argue about rules set up by their parents. Talking back is child’s attempt to assert himself.

Why do they talk back ?

• Children like to control the situation, they enjoy having power over their parents.
• Independence is another reason for children talking back.
• Children like to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong.
• Children may be feeling powerless and fell talking back is only one time their parents hear them out.
• Children may be modeling the behavior they listen to everyday.
• It may be more acceptable for children to talk back than to cry.
• Children may verbally harass their parents when they feel jealous, overwhelmed by responsibly, have had a tough day or realized a personal limitation.

How can you as a parent handle such situations ?

• Give mild punishment. Eg- isolate the child for few minutes when he threatens to hurt his siblings.
• Be a good role model for your child. You cannot control children if you beat    the child.
• Take interest in the child. Meet his needs with patience and understanding.
• Use time out technique. Remove the child from the whatever activity he is doing, for a short time.

4) Aggression is physical and verbal expression of anger like reddening of face, verbal abuse and destructiveness. The aim is to hurt, damage or destroy.

The following are the causes for aggression in children.

• Strict behavior and expectation. Eg parents insistence on child remaining clean.
• Child’s failure to get attention when parents make unfavorable comparison.
• Children become aggressive when they are not able to live up to achievements of siblings or friends.
• Permissiveness.- When parents place no limits on child, it makes him demanding and rebellious.
• Poor role models or aggressive peers.

Simple techniques can be used to handle aggression in children.

• Divert their focus and get them interested in different hobbies.
• Allow children to settle their own quarrels, unless they become too destructive/hurt each other.
• Give children time limit to arrive at a solution regarding their problems. Make sure they know the rules and consequences about hitting. If children are not able to resolve their issues enforce the consequence you have agreed upon.
• Praise children when they worked out a problem on their own.